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WHY "NO" IS THE SEXIEST WORD

.. And Why You Should Be More Like a Cat

1/7/20265 min read

The Only Currency That Matters

"Focus your attention on the fact you don't have time and let your acts flow accordingly." — Don Juan, Journey to Ixtlan

Make no mistake: Time is a thief.

When we are in our twenties, time seems to stretch out endlessly before us. We waste it on bad relationships, dead-end jobs, and trying to impress people who don’t matter. We think we have an infinite supply of "tomorrows." But that is just an illusion.

The only certainty in this life is that we have limited time and limited breaths. And once I realized this, "NO" became my favorite word.

This might seem dramatic to some, but how I choose to spend the collection of moments that make up my life is my sovereign birthright. If you cannot control your time, you are a slave to whoever does. To me, freedom is being the Queen, Lord, and CEO of my own time.

The Economics of Your Soul: Opportunity Cost

I have a degree in Finance. While most of that corporate life is behind me, there is one concept from Economics that I still use every single day: Opportunity Cost.

It’s a simple but brutal truth: There is no such thing as a free lunch. With limited resources (time), if you choose to do A, you automatically forgo the ability to do B, C, or D.

Every time you say "Yes" to a coffee date you don’t want to go on, you are paying a cost. Every time you say "Yes" to a project that drains you, you are paying a cost. Every time you say "Yes" to doom-scrolling for two hours, you are paying a cost.

What are you paying with? You are paying with the opportunity to do the thing that actually lights you up. You are paying with your peace. You are paying with your potential. Every "Yes" to something mediocre is a "No" to your Sovereign Self.

As we were taught in Economics, sunk costs are gone. The past cannot be changed. But your future? That is an investment portfolio you manage every single morning. And if you are filling it with "Yeses" that bankrupt your joy, you are making a terrible investment.

Why "NO" is the Sexiest Word

We are conditioned to be people-pleasers. We are taught that "No" is rude, aggressive, or selfish. But I believe there is nothing sexier than taking responsibility for your own peace.

"No" is the boundary that protects your kingdom from invaders. "No" creates the space for your intuition to finally be heard. When our nervous system is constantly activated by demands and overstimulation, we cannot access our deeper knowing. We become reactive instead of creative.

I use "No" as my armor. It protects the soft, creative, innovative parts of me from being crushed by the demands of the tribe. When you establish boundaries, you quickly see who respects them and who doesn’t. The world becomes a much simpler place.

Be More Like a Cat

Have you noticed that since COVID, our obsession with cats has skyrocketed? Cat memes are the zeitgeist. Why? Because we are secretly jealous of them.

We are raised as people-pleasing taxpayers who are terrified of saying "No" to our overlords. Meanwhile, cats are the masters of sovereignty. They are avoidant, assertive, and bristle with boundaries. A cat has no qualms about saying: "No, don't touch me unless I want you to." They prioritize their rest. They prioritize their needs. They don’t perform for validation.

And what do we do? We vie for their attention like desperate girlfriends. We respect them because they have boundaries. It is time to stop acting like a Golden Retriever trying to please everyone, and start embodying the energy of the Cat. Unapologetic. Selective. Sovereign.

The Gut Check

How do you know when to say No? You stop listening to your mind and start listening to your body.

In Human Design, the mind is often the "Not Self." It rationalizes. It says things like, "I should go to this party because it's good networking" or "I should take this job because it pays well," even when your stomach is in knots.

My decision-making intelligence is in my gut. It is visceral. It responds clearly to Yes or No questions. I have found that every time I let my mind override my gut, I have been wrong. Even in my investment decisions—which should be "logical"—I make the best choices when I trust my gut.

If you are not used to saying No, it will take courage. You will feel guilty. You will fear that people will stop liking you. But here is the Sovereign Truth: The people who fall away when you set boundaries are the people who were benefiting from your lack of them.

The Revolution of Rest

We live in a culture of relentless materialism. The system is designed to keep us exhausted, distracted, and obedient. Saying "No" is the first initiation of the revolution.

You want me to work unpaid overtime? No. You want me to attend a meeting that could have been an email? No. You want access to my energy without my consent? No.

I realized this fully at the end of 2023. The company I worked for was acquired, and while I was technically still employed to get my severance, the new staff tried to bully me into last-minute meetings without context. I said No. Even though they held my severance over my head, I refused to be bullied. I prioritized my sovereignty over their urgency.

We have, on average, eighty summers to live. Don't let time steal a single one from you. Start flexing your "No" muscle today. It will be uncomfortable at first, but soon, you will feel lighter, brighter, and freer than you ever imagined.

đź““ JOURNALING PROMPTS FOR THIS CHAPTER

Let’s audit your time like we audit a bank account.

  1. The "Yes" Trap: When was the last time you said "Yes" when you really meant "No"—and what did it cost you? (Think about energy, resentment, or missed opportunities).

  2. The Time Audit: Explore how you currently spend your time. Does your schedule reflect what brings you joy, or are you giving your time away to people and obligations that drain you?

  3. The Permission Slip: In what areas of your life are you still waiting for permission to say No? Who still makes you feel like you owe them your energy?

  4. The Future Self: What future version of yourself are you saying "Yes" to every time you say "No" to a distraction today?

đź›  PRACTICAL TOOL: The Opportunity Cost Audit

Use this whenever you are faced with a request for your time.

Step 1: The Pause. Never say "Yes" in the moment. Buy yourself time. Say: "Let me check my capacity and get back to you."

Step 2: The Calculation. Before agreeing, ask yourself the three "Economic" questions:

  1. What is the ROI (Return on Investment)? Will this bring me joy, money, or deep connection?

  2. What is the Opportunity Cost? If I do this, what am I not doing? (e.g., Am I giving up my gym time? My writing time? My sleep?)

  3. The Gut Check. Does my body lean forward (Yes) or contract/pull back (No)?

Step 3: The Sovereign No. If the ROI is low and the Cost is high, deliver a clean No.

  • Script: "Thank you for thinking of me. I don't have the capacity for this right now, so I'm going to pass."

  • Remember: "No" is a complete sentence. You do not owe anyone an explanation.