Stop Asking "Why Me?" You Signed the Contract - Sorry, Not Sorry!

1/7/20264 min read

**"Why the F*ck am I here?!"**

For forty-two years, I had a standing appointment with the Universe’s Complaint Department. My grievance?

Since I was a child lying on my grandparents' Persian rug, staring at the ceiling, I felt like I had been sent to Earth as a punishment. I felt like an exile. . I looked at the chaos of the world, the cruelty of humans, and the sheer exhaustion of existing, and I thought: Surely, there has been a mistake. I demanded to speak to the Manager.

I spent decades feeling like a victim of fate. Why is this happening to me? Why is my family like this? Why is this so hard?

If you have ever felt like you are playing a video game on "Hard Mode" and you definitely didn't sign up for it, this post is for you. Because I traveled all the way to Ecuador to find out the truth. And the truth pissed me off.

I was in Quito, Ecuador, following a woman named Sol on Instagram. She was an Akashic Records reader, someone who can access the cosmic library of your soul’s history. . I was desperate. I didn't want a "Love & Light" pep talk. I wanted answers. I wanted to know what karmic crime I had committed to be stuck in this timeline.

I arrived at her glass house in the mountains. We drank ceremonial cacao: bitter, thick, and grounding. Before the reading, she gave me a "flower bath." There I was, naked in a garden in Ecuador, having water poured over me, trying to wash away forty years of existential angst. I wanted to be clean. I wanted to be new.

And then, we sat down for the reading. I asked my burning question: "Why am I here?"

Sol looked at me, channeling the records, and dropped the bomb that destroyed my victimhood forever:

"You came into this life under a contract that you made."

The Soul Contract

Excuse me? I chose this?

Sol explained it like this: Before we are born, our souls look at the available timelines like a fearless adventurer planning an expedition.. We don't choose the easy lives. We aren't looking for a vacation. We are looking for expansion. We choose the family dysfunction. We choose the heartbreak. We choose the specific cocktail of trauma and talent that will force us to grow the most.

You are not a victim of fate. You are a volunteer.

This realization hit me like a freight train. The Rubik's cube of my rage clicked into place.. If I chose this life, then I wasn't being punished. I was being challenged. I realized that I am the kind of soul who raises her hand when the Universe asks, "Who wants to go down there and deal with the generational trauma, the corporate burnout, and the chaos?" Me! Pick me! I’ll do it!.

I am not a victim. I am the Final Boss.

The Irony of My Superpower

Then came the second punchline. I asked Sol what my "gifts" were. What tools did I bring to survive this mission? She told me my superpower was "Loving Humans.".

I almost laughed in her face. Loving humans? Have you met humans? They are annoying. They are irrational. They are messy. I have spent my life being "Loki"—the trickster, the sarcastic sniper, the one who pushes people away with "Sovereign AF" boundaries..

But then I understood the cosmic joke. Of course, my lesson is Love. If it were easy for me, it wouldn't be a mission. I chose a life where I would have to travel, learn languages, and constantly be the outsider so that I could learn to see the humanity in everyone. My "poison"—my intensity, my trigger-happy mouth—was just the raw material I needed to alchemize into medicine..

The Mantra: "I Choose This"

This shift changed everything for me. Now, when things go wrong—when I miss a flight, when a relationship ends, when the world feels heavy—I don't ask "Why me?" I say: "I Choose This."

This is the concept of Amor Fati (Love of Fate). It doesn't mean you like the suffering. It means you accept it as the terrain you agreed to navigate. When you say "I Choose This," you move from the passenger seat to the driver's seat. You stop wasting energy fighting reality and start using your energy to navigate it.

The Victim says: "This isn't fair."
The Sovereign says: "I signed up for this ride. Let's see what this level has to teach me."

You Are The Writer, The Director, and The Star

We are living in a time where everyone wants to be saved. We want the government to save us, our partners to save us, our bosses to save us. But no one is coming to save you.

And that is the best news you will ever hear. Because it means you have the power. You wrote the script. You cast the villains (your exes, your difficult boss). You scouted the locations. You did it so you could discover just how powerful you actually are.

So, stop booing the screen. You wrote the movie. If you don't like the scene you are in, remember: You hold the pen. You can't change the past scenes, but you can write the next plot twist.

I choose this. I choose the mess. I choose the glory. I choose the breakdown and the breakthrough. I choose to be here, right now, in this body, doing this work.

And if I can do it, so can you. You’re the one who signed the contract, Sovereign. Time to read the fine print and get to work.

📓 JOURNALING PROMPTS FOR THIS CHAPTER

Let’s look at the contract you signed.

The Reframing: If you fully believed that you chose this life, this body, and your circumstances, what would change in how you approach your daily struggles today?.
The Hidden Gift: What "curse" or struggle in your life might actually be a training ground for your specific superpower? (e.g., Did growing up in chaos make you a master of reading energy?)..
The Manifesto: Write a list of things you are currently resisting (your job, your singleness, your body). Next to each one, write "I Choose This" and list one reason why this challenge is serving your evolution right now..

🛠 PRACTICAL TOOL: The "Director’s Cut" Reframe

Use this when you feel like a victim of your circumstances.

The Trigger: Something "bad" happens (a breakup, a flat tire, a rude comment). The Auto-Response (Victim): "Why does this always happen to me? The universe hates me." The Sovereign Reframe (Director): Imagine you are the Director of a movie about a hero. This "bad" event is the Inciting Incident or the Climax. Ask yourself:

"Why did I write this scene into the movie?"
"How does the Hero (me) need to grow to get past this level?"
"What is the plot twist I am setting up?"