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ON LETTING GO AND FINDING THE LOVE SOURCE WITHIN

1/7/20264 min read

My Greatest Fear

For years, I had the same haunting dream. I am walking through a house, what feels like my house. It is filled with people I know: friends, family, acquaintances. But as I walk through the rooms, no one looks at me. I wave. They ignore me. I speak. They don’t hear me. I am screaming on the inside, desperate for a sliver of recognition, but I am completely invisible.

I used to wake up from this dream sweating, feeling a hollowness in my chest that took hours to shake. I thought it was a nightmare about rejection. Now I know it was a message from my subconscious: "Stop seeking belonging in places where you cannot be seen."

We spend so much of our lives auditioning for the role of "Loved One" in other people's movies. We twist ourselves into pretzels to be low-maintenance, easy-going, and "chill," hoping that if we just perform well enough, they will finally give us the applause we crave. But you cannot make someone see you if they are committed to their blindness.

The Breakdown

It all came to a head in Tepoztlan, Mexico. I had arrived there after a disastrous trip to Oaxaca for the Day of the Dead. I was grieving my grandmother, who had just passed. I was raw. I needed space. But the friend I was traveling with was completely oblivious to my needs. She emotionally hijacked every moment, draining my battery when I had nothing left to give.

It forced me to confront a brutal truth: I was maintaining friendships that were rooted in shared wounds, not shared growth. We bonded over trauma. We bonded over complaining. But when I started to heal, the connection dissolved because the glue was pain.

I escaped to Tepoztlan, a town known as an "energy vortex" nestled in volcanic mountains. I spent days crying. I’m not talking about a cute single tear; I’m talking about "emptying the well" sobbing. I felt utterly alone. I felt like the friends I had loved for decades were becoming strangers. I didn't want to be strong anymore. I just wanted to be held.

The Transmission

And then, in the silence of that volcanic valley, something shifted. I was sitting in meditation, staring at the jagged ridges of the Tepozteco mountains, when a voice bubbled up from the centre of my chest. It wasn't a thought. It was a transmission.

"I love you."

It wasn't my ego speaking. It was the deepest, most eternal part of me speaking to the terrified human part of me. I started whispering it back. "I love you." "I love you." "I love you."

At first, it felt fake. It felt awkward, like trying to high-five yourself. But I kept going. I whispered it to my knees, my hands, my breaking heart. And then, the warmth started to spread. A physical heat bloomed in my chest. My nervous system, which had been in fight-or-flight for weeks, suddenly exhaled.

The Biology of Self-Love

Here is the secret that Hallmark movies won't tell you: The endorphins are the same whether someone else says "I love you" or you say it to yourself. Your body doesn't know the difference. When you generate the frequency of love from within, you unlock a biochemical code that regulates your nervous system, boosts your immunity, and makes you magnetic.

I realized I had been outsourcing my supply of love. I was like a person sitting on top of a gold mine, begging strangers for spare change. I thought I needed a partner, a best friend, or a parent to validate my existence. But in that moment in Tepoztlan, I realized: I am the Source.

I am the lover I have been waiting for. I am the mother who can soothe me. I am the witness who sees me.

The Courage of Solitude

We are terrified of loneliness because we think it means we have failed. But solitude is the school of sovereignty. "The Ego cannot remain alone... If you are courageous enough to be alone, you will gradually become egoless." — Osho

When you stop franticly searching for connection outside, you are forced to connect with the cosmos inside. I looked in the mirror of the sky in Tepoztlan and realized that I was never alone. I am connected to the stars, the ancestors, the trees, and the fungal network of the forest.

The feeling of "aloneness" is just the illusion of separation. When you tap into the Love Source within, you realize you are part of everything. You become Untethered.

Letting Go to Level Up

When I came back from that trip, I started letting people go. I let go of the friend who couldn't see me. I let go of the need to be "understood." I let go of the recurring dream because I finally woke up.

It is scary to let go. You wonder, "If I let everyone go, will I have anyone left?" The answer is: You will have You. And eventually, you will attract the people who match your new frequency. But you cannot meet them while you are clogging your energetic field with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.

Stop auditioning. Stop performing. Go to the mirror. Look yourself in the eye. And say the words you are dying to hear: "I love you. I am here. I am not going anywhere."

📓 JOURNALING PROMPTS FOR THIS CHAPTER

Grab your tissues and your pen. We are doing heart surgery today.

  1. The Wound Bond: Reflect on your closest relationships. Are they rooted in shared growth (celebrating, expanding, creating) or shared wounds (complaining, trauma-bonding, gossiping)?

  2. The Invisible Audit: When was the last time you felt truly "seen" by someone? Who was it? Conversely, who makes you feel invisible, and why do you keep giving them front-row seats to your life?

  3. The Home Frequency: When have you felt most "at home" within yourself? Describe the physical sensation. How can you return to that feeling without needing anyone else's permission?

🛠 PRACTICAL TOOL: The "I Love You" Transmission

Do this every morning for 7 days. It changes your biochemistry.

The Protocol:

  1. Hand on Heart: Place your left hand over your heart center. Feel the warmth of your palm against your chest.

  2. The Breath: Take three deep breaths, imagining you are breathing directly into your heart.

  3. The Whisper: Whisper out loud: "I love you."

  4. The Receiver: Imagine you are saying it to your inner child (little you). Wait for the "ping"—the physical sensation of warmth or a softening in your shoulders.

  5. The Ripple: Say it again. "I love you." Feel it ripple through your cells. Note: It might feel cringey at first. That is just your armor resisting the softness. Keep going.